Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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