Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Come on in and take your pants off
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