Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my shit smells like andre
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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