cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
