porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
