Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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