can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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