dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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