After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
