at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
