Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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