does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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