Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
