i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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