How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
