went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
