If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
