I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
