i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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