never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
