Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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