So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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