wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
