cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
