Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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