Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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