sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
