Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
