right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize