I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Houston, we have a blender
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
