Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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