it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
