So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
