i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
