she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
