It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
