Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
