U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
