She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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