so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
