Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
