I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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