I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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