I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
