i may or may not be watching the land before time
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize