Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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