Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
