my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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