I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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