I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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