Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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