Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
