My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
