please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
