I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
