just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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