I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
