Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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