That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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