Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
