I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
