i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
only you would photoshop your dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
