She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
