FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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