I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
