Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well you can't waste a boner
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize