so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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