I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
