Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
