How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
