Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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