did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
